At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
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