need another drink. this is the easiest way
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
