On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
