At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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