I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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