matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
