Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
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