he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
