Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
