fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
