I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
