walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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