well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
