I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
