the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
