You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
