Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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