i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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