we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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