# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
