You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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