yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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