oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
