I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
