i wish my penis had a tongue
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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