Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
