I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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