We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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