Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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