i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
