i jhust puked up my retainher.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
