I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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