eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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