Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
