Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
