I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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