You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
