shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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