FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
