If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
