I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
