two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
this just has baby written all over it
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
