11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
