I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
