i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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