I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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