My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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