i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
