If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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