I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
